The Phantom Fart

I have told my son, nieces and the rest of my family to never fart in close proximity(sp?) to me. Now, I know that no one, (hopefully), wants to smell a fart, but it's far more than that for me. Seriously.

Have you seen, "Click," with Adam Sandler? Remember the part where he's pissed at his boss, (David Hasselhoff), and stops time and farts loooong and hard directly into the guy's mouth? When he starts time again, his boss tries to talk, but keeps smacking his mouth and lips, trying to figure out what that is. He asks his secretary, "Shit? Did you put SHIT in my LUNCH?"

So, back to why I can't stand farting close to me. It is because the air that was JUST IN YOUR ASS is now IN MY NOSE and AROUND MY MOUTH! It is because there are ASS PARTICLES flying around lose in the air! ASS PARTICLES! From SOMEONE ELSE'S ASS!

Okay! Christmas is the time of year when everyone is shopping. Happy shoppers! Joyfully shopping and. . . farting.

I was at Walmart. I was joyfully shopping and turning a corner into a completely empty row. I needed cat food. As I turned into the row, I smelled it. I immediately closed my mouth and held my breath. Now, this wasn't your run of the mill fart; it was like some kinda hot, thick, diarhea fart! I almost barfed.

WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL lets lose this kind of fart in public? I tried to comfort myself, telling myself that it was some poor old person who had lost control of their ass. We can only hope. There was suddenly a crowd of people at the other end of the row, and after I grabbed the cat food, I had to turn around and walk through it again! Uuugh! Evil resides in that person's ass. Seriously.

All these people shopping means you are exposed to more people than usual while picking up anything at any store. You are in greater peril than one may have thought. Think about it, then don't go around shopping with your mouth open.